I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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