We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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