"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
