Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
