Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just want nice things and good sex
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
