I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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