I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
