dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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