my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
