you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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