We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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