Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
