More tranny stories later!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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