Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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