Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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