Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
