peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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