yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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