I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
