and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
