Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
