good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
