she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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