I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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