what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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