We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
