turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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