I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
