Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
