her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
