Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
