Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
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Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
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candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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