I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
