His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
