You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
