addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
