Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
