You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
