So drunk its hurt
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
