My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i drank out of a bidet.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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