Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
