What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I will pee on everything he values.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
