So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
