This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
