Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
