Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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