Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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