I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
