dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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