The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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