Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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