You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
