Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
