I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
