ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
