i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The ass gains better be worth it
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