Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
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