Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
