True but thats because hes a fetus.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
