we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
