im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
