Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
