You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
