ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
