there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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