Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
