the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
