Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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