I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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