Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
