Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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