You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
