Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
