Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
