He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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