you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Can I color on your dick again?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
